Being tried by God has been like a scourging, in a way. Pain has been involved. Loss and limitation have come to call. Having recently re-read the book Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard, I have appreciated anew this allegorical story that seems uncannily like a telling of my life. The two sisters "Sorrow" and "Suffering" have been holding my hands, taking me, little Much Afraid, on this journey. And like Much Afraid, I am regularly harassed and bullied by Craven Fear and Self-Pity.
But in the last couple of months, something surprising has happened. I came to the end of my worry rope and surrendered it all. I laid my body on the altar and said, "It's yours - do what you must to make me more like You." When Craven Fear shows his ugly face and taunts me, I know what to say. When Self-Pity starts whimpering, I choose not to listen. This does not mean that they no longer harass me; indeed, there are regular skirmishes, and I am still weak and vulnerable. But to all the dreadful scenarios they parade before me, I say, "It's true, those things could happen. But my Sovereign Leader is incapable of making mistakes, so if they do, it's all a part of His perfect love for me. He knows what I need." And there, at last, is peace.
"But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven,
will he not more clothe you, O you of little faith?"
Matthew 6:30
