Discoveries

I've discovered that I don't like writing fiction.  At 58 years of age, it feels good to have settled that issue at last.  I've also discovered that I'm not a very disciplined writer.  I've been adding the item "Blog post" once a week to my Daytimer for the last several weeks, but have steadfastly ignored it, ensuring that the item doesn't get the coveted check mark and stares at me accusingly, reminding me of my inadequacy. 

On the plus side, I've discovered that inspiration strikes without warning and fills my heart with words that must be said.  When I picked up the little doll from the last post, I had no idea what to write.  I toyed with the idea of a fiction piece, but stalled out several times in the intersection and had to pull over to regroup.  I started typing and the next thing you know, I'm going full steam ahead on a full tank of gas.  I have no illusions that I'm writing in any way that is laudable among literary types, but there's a satisfaction in following a trail to the end (try to keep up with the dizzying number of metaphors being tossed around). 

The last discovery: I'm a confusing collection of contradictions.  I want people to read what I write (thus the public blog), but it makes me feel vulnerable.  I used to share my posts on FB occasionally, but it always seemed like a risky level of exposure.  And I really want people to like what I write but have to struggle with retaining a humble perspective if a word of praise comes my way.  Remember the writer played by Greg Kinnear in "You've Got Mail?"  He meets someone at a party who is familiar with his column and tells him something flattering about it.  Kinnear's character immediately leans in with a funny combination of false humility and begging to hear more, along the lines of "aw shucks" and "Oh, did you really like it?"  It's funny because it''s so real.  That would be me.

I'll continue to use photographs as writing prompts and see where it leads me.  Each time I write, I am exploring new territory like one of the explorers of old.  It is always a time of discovery.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;

And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.

Psalm 139-23-34